The Drywall Dungeon

How do you get out of a drywall dungeon? I’m in a job I barely tolerate with a boss whose mere breathing makes me start twitching.
I’ve applied to jobs that I want, but never seem to get. I don’t think I’m pursuing the wrong thing, yet I must not be doing something right otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this whiney shit.

I long to be in an environment that fosters creativity, not one that attempts to suck it from your soul.
I want to be where my passion lies. I live a double life; boring csr that feigns an interest (and fails miserably at that) in insurance sales by day; a not-so-boring aspiring writer/editor bohemian with witty, yet warped, way with words.

I don’t believe in karma (despite a former fuck buddy’s attempts otherwise), and even if I did I haven’t done anything that bad. Does belittling the sexual prowess of a former lover count? He really was awful in bed. I had a duty to other women; he had to know how bad he was before he humped again.

Back to my point, I feel like I am on the verge of something. Not greatness, b/c I don’t think I’ll be famous and that not something I care to pursue, but I am close. I’m on some crappy little road with fresh road kill on the side and up ahead is an exit sign guiding me to my dreams.

At this moment I’m not giving up, but I wonder how long I can keep this up? How long can I be my own little Jekyll and Hyde?

I’m not without creative influences and outlets. Working on the school paper redesign refreshes me in so many ways, just because it’s not insurance. It is sad how much enjoyment I get out of analyzing headline fonts. The paper will no doubt bring its own brand of stress, but at least it will feed my mind. Here in this bland, heartless place the only thing that really gets fed is my bank account and even that is not much.

I’ve been job-hunting for 4 years. I remember sitting at the news editor desk at the Champion, my undergrad newspaper, thinking that I would snatch up a job in no time. I just had to pass my bio lab and I would be on my way to journalistic success. I thought I was the shit.

Fast forward four years, and I’m still trying to snatch up that job. Now, just the thought of looking for journo-job makes my teeth ache. The whole job process pretty much sucks. I want a job to just fall in my lap. But the thought of not looking makes me antsy. But just standing around doing nothing won’t get me a job either.

Sarcasm and bitchiness are virtues I have. Patience, not so much.

I don’t expect much from this posting. I’m not the only one in this situation. I’m complaining and whining. But this is my outlet. Feel free to let me know what a baby I am.